Jiggery pokery, Aussie skulduggery

As you will have gathered from the Socceroos’ opening game of the World Cup, we in Australia are also very grateful to the Germans for their role in bailing out the ‘Euro’. We were so grateful in fact that we handed them a comfortable 4-0 victory to start their campaign (it doesn’t appear to have done them much good subsequently though). Not that England has started much better than ‘us’ Aussies. After their first two performances there is a very good chance that, by the time I touch down on British soil, the nation’s World Cup fever may be little more than a slight temperature and a tummy ache. How’s it go? There are no easy games in International football these days, it was too windy/not windy enough/the wrong type of wind, the opposition had been eating yogurt (it’s always good to get a chess reference in I find*).
Obviously, I could spend the entire blog talking balls (what’s new there then?), horns, tattoos and shirt designs but I shall try my best to refrain from doing so.
I believe I can shed some light on a strange phenomenon that has been occurring recently. You may have been awoken by the sound of a very loud siren at around midnight (BST) over the last couple of nights, You thought that it was the car alarm of the spotty chav kid over the road with the Honda Civic (complete with body kit and go faster stripes – that’s the Civic not the Chav). Well, for once, the Chavs aren’t to blame (not even the Bogans – a sort of Aussie equivalent) ... I can now reveal that it was the sound of George’s alarm. In an attempt to wangle himself an extra half-an hour in bed on these cold, dark wintry mornings he asked for an alarm clock. We had initially tried a Heath Robinson type device (think, classic Honda ‘It just works’ advert from about 5 years ago and it will give you some idea of the contraption we devised). But the mouse didn’t always eat the bacon rind at the same speed, so some mornings George was getting up at 3.53am and the next day it would be noon before the candle burnt through the copy of ‘Railway Modeller Monthly’ thus sounding the gong and awakening him from his slumbers. And so we invested in an alarm clock, that wasn’t the end of the experimentation however. On the first morning, we tried using the radio alarm to rouse him from his nocturnal dreaming... but to no avail. Me and Harriet witnessed him sleep right through an entire song with the volume cranked up to 11 (ironically the song was ‘We close our eyes’ by Go West). So, we have changed to ‘buzzer’ mode with some considerable success but with unforeseen side effects – the RAAF have been scrambled twice in response to the alarm going off. Unfortunately my tactic of telling Wendy that it was an alarm to signify the onset of a nuclear attack and therefore we should ‘make the most’ (nudge nudge, wink, wink) of the time we had left didn’t have the effect I had hoped for... she went to the fridge to get some chocolate to eat whilst watching Two and a Half Men (it’s on TV 24 hours-a-day here... even more than that on a Monday).
George (if he gets out of bed) is attempting to become a student leader in the forthcoming school elections. It’s his second try at running for Office; his first attempt floundered when his policies of zero-homework, half-day closing on Fridays and the wearing of i-pods at all-times to be compulsory were deemed inadmissible. I’m not sure what manifesto he is running on this time but he may be forced to form a coalition (the first since the Tim-Tam pact back in 1974) in order to seize power. Failing that he may have to fall back on the bloodless coup.
In another coup (not heard reports of any bloodshed yet) Wendy was able to successfully hi-jack her firm’s ‘end of tax year’ event and turn it into ‘Wendy’s end of 39 years’ party. Clearly such blatant manipulation of other people’s parties should not be condoned in any way, indeed I frown upon such actions.
Just as an aside to the England vs Algeria match, would I be alone in agreeing whole-heartedly with poor Mr Rooney that the fans who had travelled a measly few thousand miles and spent a miserly few thousand quid have absolutely no right to boo an England team who had clearly put up a manful performance against a brilliant outfit, clearly destined to be the next World Champions. I can’t really comment on the performance – I recorded it but now have no intention of wasting the 90 minutes it would take to watch it – I’m going outside to watch the washing dry instead (luckily, today we’ve got the right kind of ‘drying’ wind). Talking of Rooney, we are off to see Shrek (forever after) shortly as part of Wendy’s birthday treat (okay, so she doesn’t like animated films but I never claimed to have put much thought into it).
This is likely to be the last blog before my UK trip. I am looking forward to seeing a select few of you in a couple of weeks at the ‘Great to see Harry again Party’. Some of you may know it by its previous title of ‘Bob’s 40th birthday party’ – but it has subsequently been re-prioritised (to use the modern lingo) – not sure whether my demands for a bouncy castle, a marching band and the Krankies will have been adhered to, but I’m sure it will be good fun anyway.
See you soon,
H
Refers to the infamous Karpov v Korchnoi match of 1974... noted for controversies involving yogurts, swivel chairs and sunglasses. I don’t recall who won.