Contagious?

George and I were in the car, the other day, listening to the radio (whilst at the same time maintaining 100% concentration on the road – well, George might have been). We were tuned in to, local station, RTR FM at 92.1 on the radio dial (although I don’t think they have dials anymore... it’s all new-fangled digital stuff nowadays). It being a Saturday afternoon, the usual excellent music programming had been replaced with a ‘young persons’ show, tackling ‘yoof’ issues. On this particular occasion we were being treated to a discussion on STI’s or STD’s – whichever you prefer (although I suspect your preference would be to have neither). The young person presenter (of indeterminate sex) was chatting to a (female) expert about prevention, testing, and (where possible) treatment of STI/Ds. Which brings me, eventually, to my point (yeah, there is actually a point to all this). The expert was giving us lots of facts and figures and good advice on all aspects of the subject, but she was doing it in an Aussie accent... which included the inflection at the end of a sentence? Like she’s asking a question? Now the inflection is common practice in oz speak (like starting a sentence with ‘Ah mate, ... ’) but some people use it a lot more than others. In this case our expert was suffering from a very severe case of the inflection infection (although I don’t think it’s an STI/D). This meant that despite the fact that she clearly knew her facts the inflection made it sound that she was unsure of what she was saying. It was very disconcerting, I’m sorry but if someone is talking to me (giving expert advice or otherwise) I need them to at least sound certain of what they are saying, and not... ‘It’s a very straight forward operational procedure Mr Davies with absolutely nothing to worry about?’, or ‘of course I’d like to go on a date with you Harry?’, or ‘Phil Collins is the ninth best drummer of the last 25 years*?’ The inflection has definitely reached our household, the kids have the full blown disease and, despite having the inoculation jab, Wendy occasionally shows the symptoms. I have, to my knowledge, slipped up only a few times but it is becoming a more common occurrence. I have also started to say data with an ‘r’ in it (darta) mainly because if I don’t no-one knows what I’m talking about. Australian people tend to struggle a bit with my accent anyway - although, at work, a couple of the Aussie clients I speak to on the phone have started to talk to me in a very passable Yorkshire accent. I have also learnt that if you want someone to win then you are barracking for them, not rooting for them – because over here rooting means something quite different and more or less takes us right back to the beginning of the blog (and no it hasn’t got anything to do with driving).
Backtracking slightly, I was forced out of a record shop by Phil Collins yesterday. I had just begun my usual Saturday morning pursuit (no, not that one – the other one), perusing the ‘Alternative’ CD section in JB Hi-fi when I realised that my ears were being assaulted by the sounds of Mr Collins torturing songs that had, in a previous incarnation, been sixties Motown classics. Despite the fact that the songs were being marginally improved by constant announcements over the tannoy for ‘a member of hardware/software/ firmware to go to the computer counter please’ I only got two thirds of the way through ‘Jimmy Mac’ before having to escape the premises (it was either that or inserting USB sticks into my ears). Whilst making my exit I noticed that the offending album appeared to be riding very high in the charts over here. Oi, Collins... No!
Spookily, as I sit compiling this work of fiction, I can hear the sounds of someone (who is at least two streets away from us**) practicing the drums... they actually sound quite good but that’s probably because they are at least two streets away from us.
The kids have broken up from school this week having completed term 3. They brought home the results of the Naplan tests that they sat back in term 2 (I was unable to ascertain whether this delay was due to a very slow marking system, or that the results had been sitting in the kids’ school drawer for a term-and-half). They both did very well, with their marks being above the school and National averages in all subjects. Harriet’s best subject was reading but she also did very well in writing, and grammar! and. Punctuation. George did well across the board but his spelling was exscelant and his (creative) writing score was almost off the scale. He can’t remember what subject they were given to write about but he does know that his story centred upon a hitman who was disposing of Russian spies. In an earlier project they were asked to write a story about a hamster (it had a cute name like ‘fluffy’ or ‘hammy’, or ‘brian’). George’s story was about a drug-trafficking cartel who were smuggling their stash across national borders inside hamsters (including fluffy). I’m guessing that it won’t be too long before we get a visit from some Government department or other... social services, special branch, meals on wheels? Do you think we should be worried? He has also developed a habit of being able to name all of the weapons used in film or TV programmes that we watch (there are always weapons involved no matter what we are watching... even Songs of Praise). Not only that, he can also produce reference books with pictures of the weapons involved. Whilst part of me wants to admonish him for knowing too much about guns and weaponry, I have to admit that I also get a warm glow of paternal pride from his love of backing up his facts with reference material (definitely a Davies gene).
It’s a public holiday tomorrow (Monday) for the Queen’s birthday (not sure if we are celebrating Liz’s April or June birthday). I wonder whether we will still have the holiday in September when it’s the King’s Birthday? Anyway, it’s going to be sunny again tomorrow so there is an outside chance of us venturing into the pool for the first time since last summer. Be warned, I think my board shorts are in the huge pile of ironing that seems to have magically appeared in the laundry room so I may be forced to wear my budgie smugglers. (cue the music from jaws).

*As voted by readers of Rhythm magazine (The drummer from Slipknot was at number one)
**The reason I can hear them from that distance is because its 25 degrees today and I’ve got the doors and windows open. That, married to the fact that the CD I was listening to – Not by Collins- has finished and I can’t be bothered to stretch the full 18 inches needed to change it.

This week’s blog was brought to you by Chemical Brothers – Further (Parlaphone 2010), Emiliana Torrini – Fisherman’s Woman (Rough Trade 2004), and In the Night Garden (BBC Audiobooks Ltd 2007)