...ahh mr Bond we've been expecting you. Of course, I would have made a perfect Bond... handsome, debonair, errr muscular, a hit with the ladies. No? Maybe I would have made a good Bond Villain? Bond Girl? Anyway, as you will have guessed, we are getting excited about the latest instalment of the world's greatest movie franchise.. no, not High School Musical 3... James Bond in a Quarter of Swordfish (I think 'swordfish' must be some kind of old fashioned boiled sweets a bit like Yorkshire Mixture). The film actually arrives here next week and is rated M (for a mature audience - which means that George can go.. though it's a bit iffy over whether I qualify to go or not). We are taking one of George's school friends as well - he's of Scottish extraction so I expect he'll keep chipping in all through the film going 'see yah man Craig... ah, he's nay Connery' (did I say Scottish.. maybe he was Welsh - I can't do impressions). Don't know if I really want to go or not.. whilst I don't understand the film title, I'm guessing that I should be able to follow the plot line okay.. cars, scantily clad women, things exploding, planned world domination, scantily clad women, high speed chases, oh and scantily clad women... maybe I will go after all.
Talking of World domination.. Wendy went to the November meeting of the Connolly Residents Association. The main topics of conversation were dog poo, whether the local Supermarket should have a fish counter or not and how to spend the $10million dollars surplus - that was left in the budget at the completion of the Freeway Extension project. You will have already guessed which topic Wendy was most interested in.. yes, the need for the fish counter - you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to get a decent mullet around here (and were not talking Chris Waddles haircut). Wendy really enjoyed the evening and is looking forward to going to the next meeting - I'm betting that she'll be on at least one committee inside 12 months.
Talking of betting (how contrived is this blog getting?)... it was the 'big' horse race ('big' as in a very popular race - not as in a race for particularly large horses) here last Tuesday - The Melbourne Cup. It is billed as the race that 'stops a nation', which I figured was just media hype.. but not for the first time I was wrong. On my way to work I saw 'ladies' dressed up as if to go to the races.. dresses, hats, errr saddles, even though they were roughly 2500 miles and two time zones from the course. At work, we stopped to watch the race, Wendy's work stopped to watch the race, George's class stopped to watch the race, and while Hattie's class didn't watch the race.. they did have a sweep on it. Now, that is a proper curriculum... today we will be learning about the sport of kings.
Talking of sport, I hope you have noticed that since my arrival in the country the Australian cricket team has gone from a position of 'invincibility' to one of very definite... errr.. vincibilty. I'm not claiming that I'm solely responsible for the decline but it can't be a total coincidence that I start supporting them and their form dips quite markedly. It may only be a temporary blip though because George is making a concerted effort to make the Test team. He got an award for his performance in his first match, the award was a certificate and a voucher for a very healthy meal - cheeseburger, fries and a coke (I wonder why 48% of Australians are overweight? Talking of which I have put on over a stone since I got here... it's got to be middle age spread or the change of climate.. I can't see that it would be the lager, or pies). George continued his good bowling form this week, taking a wicket in his first over again - he clean bowled the opening batsman with the 3rd ball. The former Australian Test cricketer Brad Hogg is going to Connolly School tomorrow.. probably to pick up some bowling tips from George.
Talking of school, Hattie got another merit award last week.. this time it was for her consien.. consciensiou.. contscien... her attentive 'home reading'. At the moment she is mainly reading Roald Dahl and the complete works of the toys 'r' us christmas catalogue.
Talking of christmas... I've got to go now to send my christmas list to Santa (I'm sending it to the south pole because it's closer), I'm mainly asking for socks this year.
What do you reckon my chances are of getting any?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Dear BBC...why, oh why, oh why?
I wish to complain... ok I haven't actually heard the offending incident (or even the programmes full of people discussing the incident) but I am still shocked and annoyed and I'm refusing to pay my licence fee as a protest... I've also sent my MBE back to the Queen (not that I've got anything against you ma'am - by the way thanks for the extra day off in September).
Yours Sincerely,
Angry of Tonbridge Wells.
And now for something exactly the same as all the previous blogs....
blah, blah, blah sunny weather... blah, blah, blah... swimming pool... blah, blah, blah... annoying Irish man with a tall tricolour top hat and a drum (okay, so that bit is different).
As you will no doubt be aware yesterday (Friday) was Halloween - yes surprisingly, if the Queen's birthday is anything to go by, we also 'celebrate' it on the 31st of October. It being an American invention, trick or treating is very popular over here so we prepared accordingly... bought loads of confectionery, dressed Hattie up as a witch, and wired the door bell up to the mains (actually I didn't do that on purpose it was just a natural result of my DIY shortcomings). In the end we only got a couple of visits.. it has to be said that the effect of kids dressed in illuminous skeleton suits is considerably less scary when they knock (they had obviously sussed the doorbell) at your door at 7pm and the street is still bathed in brilliant sunshine. It also has to be said that there is something very scary about being able to see their mums dressed up as witches in the same light (I think they were dressed up).
So, we survived Halloween unscathed. I don't think we have mischievous night over here because we don't have bonfire night.. or maybe we do and it's in January and we commemorate it by putting some snaggers on the barbie... I really don't know.
Before I go any further, I must clear up some housekeeping from last time - I forgot to say that Wendy had passed her final exam and is now free to enjoy her summer in peace, and now I've passed on the news (eventually) I am free to enjoy my summer in peace.
Ah summer, the smell of cut grass, strawberries and cream (actually the strawberry season appears to be spring here), the sound of leather on willow and...snakes. We thought we'd actually found one the other week. Luckily it was Hattie that found it when she went in the garage to get her bike... luckily it was Hattie... and not me. It did look like a snake, all be it not very long (I'm trying very hard to avoid any 'Carry On' style jokes here). In the end it just turned out to be a lizard with very short legs. As if there aren't enough creatures to worry about without the need for lizards to start going around impersonating snakes.
The sound of leather on willow brings me neatly onto my weekend activity (no, don't start making up your own 'Carry On' style jokes), namely taking George to his cricket matches. He has joined the Joondalup Kinross Cricket Club (JKCC) under 12's team (red team) and played his first match over the last two Saturday's... yes, each match lasts for two weeks. JKCC fielded in the first week and George managed to take a wicket with the 3rd ball of his first over with a good length ball in the corridoor of uncertainity (about 6 inches outside the leg stump) that the batsman paddled to Sunil at fine leg who took a good catch. This week, I didn't see him bat (I was too nervous) but he managed a very respectable 2 off 15 balls (boycottesque) before playing the ball onto his stumps. I have endeavoured to try to pass my extensive cricket knowledge down to the next generation.. just as I have passed on all of my best dance moves on to Hattie. However, I'm not sure whether she will be able to incorporate them into the dance show that she is in at christmas... apparently she is playing the part of the ballerina in a wind-up musical box.
This weekend we were invited to go with some of our frinds to see Def Leppard & Cheap Trick... and some other friends invited us to go with them to see Tony Hadley & Paul Young... in the end we settled on staying at home to re-arrange my used tea bag collection (I've decided to display my Liptons pyramid bag alongside a vintage Tetley's rectangular bag - very controversial... I'm sure angry of Tonbridge Wells will have something to say about it). Still, I believe we made the right choice.
And finally.... the Irish man and his drum. Remarkably I managed to go to a sporting event without getting sat next to the mad old lady who feels compelled to shout inane observations through the entire proceedings. Remarkably, she was replaced with the aforementioned Irish gentleman who managed to produce a drum from about his person the moment the Irish team stepped onto the pitch. He was very lucky that the drum didn't disappear up another part of his person shortly afterwards... good job I'm a tolerant, well mannered... coward. The game was a strange hybrid of Australian and Gaelic football, the rules of which are far too complicated to understand, never mind try to explain, so I won't even try. Ireland won 45-44 much to the delight of the man (and drum) sat adjacent to me and the other 20,000 Irish supporters in the crowd of 35,000. I'm guessing they must have all made the 19 hour journey for the match, otherwise, if they were living and working over here surely they would have been supporting Australia (I know, I sound like Norman Tebbitt).
Anyway, I personally, must be Australian now because I play beach volleyball. Yes, I've finally got around to telling the tale. In response to the FAQs... (i) no we don't wear uniforms, be it bikinis, mankinis or budgie smugglers, (ii)Yes it is indoors and yes it's real sand - it's a couple of feet deep... I have dug down a bit, but then I remembered that hundreds of pairs of feet have been in that sand over the course of the evening and quickly abandoned the excavation..(iii) no the sand is not very good for building sandcastles with and even worse for making tunnels, (iv) No, I'm not very good - but our team is in the top division, (v) No, the ball is not made of Wensleydale cheese, (vi) Bob Holnes was actually the second person to play the character of James Bond (not sure what that question has got to do with volleyball but people keep asking it anyway).
Enough, I've got to go now... I've been asked to leave a message on Jo Brand's answer machine (surely that should be Russell Brand - whatever) ... here goes... hey Jo
Because I didn't go to see Def Leppard or Tony Hadley I stayed home and listened to: 1: Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye - Leonard Cohen, 2: The Thing I Like Best About Him is His Girlfriend - Wedding Present, 3: Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues - Bryan Ferry, 4: On Tooting Broadway Station - Kitchens of Distinction, 5: The Prince - Madness
Yours Sincerely,
Angry of Tonbridge Wells.
And now for something exactly the same as all the previous blogs....
blah, blah, blah sunny weather... blah, blah, blah... swimming pool... blah, blah, blah... annoying Irish man with a tall tricolour top hat and a drum (okay, so that bit is different).
As you will no doubt be aware yesterday (Friday) was Halloween - yes surprisingly, if the Queen's birthday is anything to go by, we also 'celebrate' it on the 31st of October. It being an American invention, trick or treating is very popular over here so we prepared accordingly... bought loads of confectionery, dressed Hattie up as a witch, and wired the door bell up to the mains (actually I didn't do that on purpose it was just a natural result of my DIY shortcomings). In the end we only got a couple of visits.. it has to be said that the effect of kids dressed in illuminous skeleton suits is considerably less scary when they knock (they had obviously sussed the doorbell) at your door at 7pm and the street is still bathed in brilliant sunshine. It also has to be said that there is something very scary about being able to see their mums dressed up as witches in the same light (I think they were dressed up).
So, we survived Halloween unscathed. I don't think we have mischievous night over here because we don't have bonfire night.. or maybe we do and it's in January and we commemorate it by putting some snaggers on the barbie... I really don't know.
Before I go any further, I must clear up some housekeeping from last time - I forgot to say that Wendy had passed her final exam and is now free to enjoy her summer in peace, and now I've passed on the news (eventually) I am free to enjoy my summer in peace.
Ah summer, the smell of cut grass, strawberries and cream (actually the strawberry season appears to be spring here), the sound of leather on willow and...snakes. We thought we'd actually found one the other week. Luckily it was Hattie that found it when she went in the garage to get her bike... luckily it was Hattie... and not me. It did look like a snake, all be it not very long (I'm trying very hard to avoid any 'Carry On' style jokes here). In the end it just turned out to be a lizard with very short legs. As if there aren't enough creatures to worry about without the need for lizards to start going around impersonating snakes.
The sound of leather on willow brings me neatly onto my weekend activity (no, don't start making up your own 'Carry On' style jokes), namely taking George to his cricket matches. He has joined the Joondalup Kinross Cricket Club (JKCC) under 12's team (red team) and played his first match over the last two Saturday's... yes, each match lasts for two weeks. JKCC fielded in the first week and George managed to take a wicket with the 3rd ball of his first over with a good length ball in the corridoor of uncertainity (about 6 inches outside the leg stump) that the batsman paddled to Sunil at fine leg who took a good catch. This week, I didn't see him bat (I was too nervous) but he managed a very respectable 2 off 15 balls (boycottesque) before playing the ball onto his stumps. I have endeavoured to try to pass my extensive cricket knowledge down to the next generation.. just as I have passed on all of my best dance moves on to Hattie. However, I'm not sure whether she will be able to incorporate them into the dance show that she is in at christmas... apparently she is playing the part of the ballerina in a wind-up musical box.
This weekend we were invited to go with some of our frinds to see Def Leppard & Cheap Trick... and some other friends invited us to go with them to see Tony Hadley & Paul Young... in the end we settled on staying at home to re-arrange my used tea bag collection (I've decided to display my Liptons pyramid bag alongside a vintage Tetley's rectangular bag - very controversial... I'm sure angry of Tonbridge Wells will have something to say about it). Still, I believe we made the right choice.
And finally.... the Irish man and his drum. Remarkably I managed to go to a sporting event without getting sat next to the mad old lady who feels compelled to shout inane observations through the entire proceedings. Remarkably, she was replaced with the aforementioned Irish gentleman who managed to produce a drum from about his person the moment the Irish team stepped onto the pitch. He was very lucky that the drum didn't disappear up another part of his person shortly afterwards... good job I'm a tolerant, well mannered... coward. The game was a strange hybrid of Australian and Gaelic football, the rules of which are far too complicated to understand, never mind try to explain, so I won't even try. Ireland won 45-44 much to the delight of the man (and drum) sat adjacent to me and the other 20,000 Irish supporters in the crowd of 35,000. I'm guessing they must have all made the 19 hour journey for the match, otherwise, if they were living and working over here surely they would have been supporting Australia (I know, I sound like Norman Tebbitt).
Anyway, I personally, must be Australian now because I play beach volleyball. Yes, I've finally got around to telling the tale. In response to the FAQs... (i) no we don't wear uniforms, be it bikinis, mankinis or budgie smugglers, (ii)Yes it is indoors and yes it's real sand - it's a couple of feet deep... I have dug down a bit, but then I remembered that hundreds of pairs of feet have been in that sand over the course of the evening and quickly abandoned the excavation..(iii) no the sand is not very good for building sandcastles with and even worse for making tunnels, (iv) No, I'm not very good - but our team is in the top division, (v) No, the ball is not made of Wensleydale cheese, (vi) Bob Holnes was actually the second person to play the character of James Bond (not sure what that question has got to do with volleyball but people keep asking it anyway).
Enough, I've got to go now... I've been asked to leave a message on Jo Brand's answer machine (surely that should be Russell Brand - whatever) ... here goes... hey Jo
Because I didn't go to see Def Leppard or Tony Hadley I stayed home and listened to: 1: Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye - Leonard Cohen, 2: The Thing I Like Best About Him is His Girlfriend - Wedding Present, 3: Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues - Bryan Ferry, 4: On Tooting Broadway Station - Kitchens of Distinction, 5: The Prince - Madness
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