friends, family, snakes, spiders and sharks...

... we've had them all in the last month. Scary man eaters and dangerous creatures just waiting to hurt you... plus snakes, spiders and sharks (ha, ha). I am only joking, we had a fantastic time with my mother and our friends Pete and Hayley who came out from the UK to help us celebrate our first Christmas in oz. What made it even more special was the fact that it snowed... okay, so that bit is a lie but I didn't think you'd want to know that it was over 30 degrees C - that we spent the morning on the beach drinking bucks fizz, body boarding in Santa hats, playing cricket and building elaborate sandcastles - then in the afternoon we threw some shrimps on the barbie and went for a dip in the pool. I'm right aren't I - you really didn't want to hear about that.
By the same token you probably won't want to hear about our pool party - complete with diving challenges... I still can't work out how my triple somersault with pike, tuck and a flik flak into a bucket of water was not good enough to beat Pete's running bomb. Mind you, after Pete's effort there was only enough water left in the pool to fill a bucket. I reckon there was some regional bias to the voting... I only got a 5.3 from the Brighouse judge.
There are of course a great many photos of this and many of the other activities we got up to over the festive period and they are all heading your way. You'll gasp at the breathtaking views from the top of the tallest tower of the tallest building in Perth (in truth it's about the fifth tallest), you'll gush at the cute roos, koalas and dolphins (unfortunately there aren't pics of the baby koala falling about 30 feet out of a tree*... it was OK though because he was able to walk away unaided. Neither are there any photos of me dangling by my feet to recover a piece of Hatties jewellery from the self same koala enclosure - in fact, there may be pics but they will be from the CCTV security cameras so I'm hoping they haven't come out too well) that we encountered, you'll wonder why there is a kangaroo fielding at square leg when Hattie is batting during our Christmas eve game of cricket at Yanchep, you'll be totally underwhelmed by my lack of movement and coordination in the photos of our latest beach volleyball match (which we lost narrowly. We tired at the end of the last set due to the fact that we were playing inside a furnace, at the epicentre of the sun which itself had been placed inside a McDonalds apple pie), but mostly you'll be desperately trying to spot clouds in the endless blue skies.
You may be thinking that it doesn't sound very Christmassy and I guess you are right... but we still managed to go to a Christmas Carol concert (they even sang I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... maybe they were thinking more pharmacological than meteorological) and we visited a street (along with hundreds of other people) in which every house was decorated with over the top Christmas lights, Hattie and I watched 'It's a Wonderful Life' and one of us blubbed like a big girl (Uncle Billy the money is in the newspaper and Potter has got it), we even had mince pies (we didn't think there was much call for mulled wine though). But the most Christmassy thing was that we were able to share it with family and friends - so you best start saving up to come and join us next year. The thing is if you are the next people to visit us we will still be up for going to all the tourist attractions, but it's going to get to a point where we have seen them all so many times that when visitors turn up we just throw them a map and the car keys and say 'fill your boots, we'll be by the pool when you get back'. We look forward to seeing you, but please be warned it does get a tad warm (it was 39 degrees on New Years Day - it can feel quite oppressive especially when added to an hangover) and there are a few dangerous creatures around (and I'm not just talking about George and Hattie). We have had a few red back spiders in the back yard, in the more dark, secluded corners (which only I am ever sent into)... they are poisonous but they keep themselves to themselves. It is only the female that is dangerous - both sexes carry venom but only the female has jaws that are strong enough to penetrate human skin - I did have a joke about female jaws being stronger because they get far more exercise than their male counterparts but the fear of feeling the wrath of my female readership means I won't be sharing it with you.
The next door neighbours claim to have seen (and hit with a shovel) a snake... which if it is true means that there is a venomous snake in the neighbourhood with a headache and a score to settle.
You may also have heard about the man who was attacked and killed by a white pointer (great white) shark just south of Perth between Christmas and new year. Scared yet? The thing is of course that it is far more dangerous to travel on the roads (oh yeah, you're going to have to do that as well) ... I only tell you these things so that you don't start complaining when you get here. Look, if it helps, I'll put an extra bottle of wine and some lager in the (outdoor) beer fridge so it's nice and cool ready for when you arrive.
Because of the long gap between blogs there is lots of news that I haven't yet passed on... namely Hattie getting 'an end of year' prize from school, Me and my mum watching George's cricket team winning by two runs (we missed George taking a wicket due to the fact that we'd had to go to a nearby cafe to have a full English breakfast... it's a long story), Hattie performing in a dance show (the show lasted 3 hours... whilst most of it was quite bearable - I have to admit that I do have a problem with watching white kids with even less sense of rhythm than me gyrating awkwardly to hip-hop music... it's just wrong), Wendy is probably off on another trip in February.. this time over to Sydney.
Right, I'm done... I'll be back in a fortnight to tell you what it is like to have lived upside down for an entire year (has David Blaine tried that one?)
What time is it with you?

By the way, I did get socks for Christmas - three lots.

*I wasn't there to see this incident but I had some of my best operatives on the scene